This morning I jump out of bed, get Ella dressed, get in argument with B over who gets to take a shower first (win), speed blow dry my hair, quickly wrap up one of Ella's Christmas presents to give to the birthday girl at the party we are going to since I forgot to buy her something yesterday, bundle Ella in her all her outside clothes since it is FREEZING today, gather a small suitcase full of "necessaries" for the morning playgroup and dash out of the house.
First thing wrong: I didn't put a scarf on and am wearing my fur coat which opens in a sexy deep V, completely inappropriate for cold weather. But terribly sexy. So I clutch the collar closed with one hand while trying to steer the over-loaded stroller with the other.
Second thing that went wrong: After visiting a dozen shops in search of a pair of flat black boots, I buy a pair that I decide are too tight in the leg and therefore need to return. Second choice pair was mistakenly put on the sale rack and so was not actually 50% off but still 400 euro. So they stayed in the store. Therefore decided that I would just wear the black boots that I already own, the heel is really not that high and they are gorgeous. Correction: 5 minutes into my 30 minute walk I realize that, yes, in fact, the heels are incredibly high and trying to push a stroller in those heels with one hand is impossible. So I start looking in shop windows to see if I can find a pair of black ballerina slippers to buy so that I can walk faster.
Third thing that went wrong: Ella decides that she wants her gloves off so that she can hold the empty bottle that she spied inside her bag. I stop, show her that it is empty, and explain that it is too cold out to take off her gloves. She proceeds to scream all the way up rue de Turenne. My sincerest apologies to the residents of the 3rd arrondissement. Decide that she is too noisy to take in a store so I do not stop to purchase appropriate footwear. Decide to battle on (am truly a martyr).
Fourth thing that went wrong: I get to my friend's house, where there is the playgroup/birthday party, 30 minutes late and there is not a single stroller in the courtyard. Am hit with the sudden realization that it isn't Tuesday. Or maybe it is, but it isn't the 23rd? OR maybe it is the 23rd, but the party was actually on a Wednesday? I have no idea since I last read the email 2 weeks ago but see that I have clearly come on the wrong day or the wrong time or both. So I think about calling the host to see if we can just come up to play for an hour, since we are there and I have two freshly baked loaves of banana bread in my purse. Check in purse, there is no cellphone. Ella is still howling and I fear that my head will explode in Mars Attack manner so decide to simply totter home as fast as I can. Remind self that walking in heels helps make legs look nice. Grit teeth. Take mittens off Ella, enjoy the quiet, and remind self that prothestics technology is amazing these days if her fingers do actually freeze off.
Fifth thing that went wrong: when I finally got home and peeled bloody feet out of boots, crawled over to the computer to check my mail. Oh- the party was today at 10:30. Everyone else must have been late. Shoot self in head. The end.