There is this thing going on right now, which I found out about on Friday, that I am dying to sit down and write about because it is taking up all the space in my head, but I can't do it here because I'm not sure who is reading and since it isn't just my story and would probably be upsetting for certain people who aren't "in on the secret" yet, I can't do it. (Just realized what a very long and complicated sentence that was. I think it captures quite well the feeling in my head of unresolved thoughts running in circles in my head. Possibly less successful as an excerice in correct sentence structure and puncuation...)
For about 3 years I had an anonymous journal, which I loved having because I could write about absolutely anything. Which I did and light votives on a regular basis in the hopes that it never comes back to haunt me. But I felt that it was starting to get really negative and self-indulgent and I thought that by starting something new and not keeping it a secret from everyone I knew, I could use the journaling in a more positive way. And mainly, that is exactly what has happened. Its nice to do a bit of a whinge every now and again, of course. And its a bit irritating and smug, I think, when someone's blog never hints at anything wrong in their life. You can't just assume everyone's got their problems, you want to hear about it as well. The dark side. Hopefully, I've kept things at a happy medium.
But voila. Still have things like this that I would love to sit down and dissect but I can't do it here without facing messy consequences. I kind of hate the idea of writing something down on paper because then what? Lock it in a box and hope that no one ever stumbles across it? I have had the experience of re-reading my adolescent diaries and I think I may have burst blood vessels I was blushing so hard. Even the memory of the idea of someone reading those is making my face a bit hot. So definitely not putting it on paper.
The worst part is, for all this build-up of dramatic secret-revealing, the basic story is really pretty under-whelming. Maybe I'm just trying too hard to produce a Sunday afternoon blog entry?