Sunday, January 14, 2007

On being anonymous

There is this thing going on right now, which I found out about on Friday, that I am dying to sit down and write about because it is taking up all the space in my head, but I can't do it here because I'm not sure who is reading and since it isn't just my story and would probably be upsetting for certain people who aren't "in on the secret" yet, I can't do it. (Just realized what a very long and complicated sentence that was. I think it captures quite well the feeling in my head of unresolved thoughts running in circles in my head. Possibly less successful as an excerice in correct sentence structure and puncuation...)

For about 3 years I had an anonymous journal, which I loved having because I could write about absolutely anything. Which I did and light votives on a regular basis in the hopes that it never comes back to haunt me. But I felt that it was starting to get really negative and self-indulgent and I thought that by starting something new and not keeping it a secret from everyone I knew, I could use the journaling in a more positive way. And mainly, that is exactly what has happened. Its nice to do a bit of a whinge every now and again, of course. And its a bit irritating and smug, I think, when someone's blog never hints at anything wrong in their life. You can't just assume everyone's got their problems, you want to hear about it as well. The dark side. Hopefully, I've kept things at a happy medium.

But voila. Still have things like this that I would love to sit down and dissect but I can't do it here without facing messy consequences. I kind of hate the idea of writing something down on paper because then what? Lock it in a box and hope that no one ever stumbles across it? I have had the experience of re-reading my adolescent diaries and I think I may have burst blood vessels I was blushing so hard. Even the memory of the idea of someone reading those is making my face a bit hot. So definitely not putting it on paper.

The worst part is, for all this build-up of dramatic secret-revealing, the basic story is really pretty under-whelming. Maybe I'm just trying too hard to produce a Sunday afternoon blog entry?


Sally Lomax said...

I agree. No-one's life can be perfectly smooth. As you know...... mine isn't!!!

Most of the time I try to keep my blog light and entertaining, but sometimes, I can't. And that's good I think.

Hubby thinks it's very strange that I have revealed things on my blog that I have never told friends and family before. Now he says, you go and tell the whole world! C'est la vie!


Nicole said...

I know- its funny how that works out.
But I did read an interesting story about internet dating, and it sort of applies to blogging. The question the journalist was trying to answer was why did people on internet dating sites so quickly get involved in "sexy" email exchanges, which often led to one night stands. Some psychologist commenting said that when a person was alone in the comfort and security of their own home in front of their computer it was easy to feel safe and at ease, hence it wasn't as threatening to start talking about sex. And if at any point it got uncomfortable, the could just turn off the screen. SO much easier than meeting someone in real life and finding that same level of self-confidence and ease in the first conversation. I think that there is really something in that idea (not that I have ever done internet dating. The things I missed out on, getting married so young!)