Tete d'Ella

I almost forgot to mention that on Friday, we went and picked up the plaster bust of Ella. It changed a bit from what I saw the day that I was over at the studio with Rosy after we talked about a few things that I wanted to change and I think that I am pretty happy with this. One of the biggest changes was that she made the face more "smiley". You can't tell so much from this angle, but it did really alter things. To be honest, I probably preferred it when she was more serious, even though she looks much sweeter this way. My favorite part is still the pigtails- they are like little wings coming off the side of her head. The plaster is much rougher there as well, which I prefer. The hair is overall not as rough as I wanted but Rosy felt like it wasn't right, considering how blond Ella is. I didn't argue because I think its important to see this as a work of art by an artist and not just a "photo" of Ella. I think that giving Rosy my opinion once was enough and the rest needs to be her vision of the piece. Now we just wait for the bronze to be cast. She said that it will probably be sent down to the foundry today and we should have it at the beginning of January. Now we just have to decide what we are going to do with the plaster- we are thinking about giving both the sculptures away. One to each of our parents. For now, we don't actually need them, I suppose, since we have the actual baby in our house, and I think that maybe the grandparents would enjoy having a bust. On the other hand, I think that it might be a little bit presumptuous. I know that they all love Ella, but maybe not enough to have her disembodied head on a shelf in their house?

And here is a quick photo of the ring that B gave me last night. Its obviously not the first choice ring but it is pretty. Thank goodness he didn't buy the two that I looked at. I tried to take the photo of it actually on my finger but I couldn't quite manage to focus the camera using only my left hand so you can't tell how big it is on my finger. Its not very small, but I wanted a really dramatically big ring. I suppose this is better because it won't go out of fashion so quickly. What a shame to have a beautiful expensive ring just lying in its box because it looks old-fashioned. Its weird though having a ring on my right hand. I am having a hard time typing today because of it.

Its such a gray day today. Really miserable out and I think it must be having too much of an effect on my mood because I just am feeling really upset about all the little things that have been going wrong lately. A little bit overwhelmed by the list of things that I want to get done before leaving for the States. And so you can imagine the state I was in after the concierge, Maria, came up to talk to me this afternoon. Ella had left some toys down at her house the other day when she was babysitting and so she brought them up to me and then she asked if I had something that I wanted to talk about with her. I knew exactly what she meant- we hadn't spoken to her yet about our apartment being up for sale. Do you know she got all teary and said that she would be so so sad to see us leave but understood that maybe we wanted a garden for Ella, etc. I felt horrible. In fact, I had said to B last week that I was upset about the idea of leaving because of Maria and I really didn't want to be the one to tell her about us moving. He said that I was being silly, but look. I was right. I told her that it wasn't sure that we were going and that we hadn't started looking yet so she shouldn't worry.

Maybe its just the idea of the move thats making me feel a bit sensitive about everything. They say a move is one of the most stressful events in your life. Just because the actual physical move is not happening quite yet is no reason for the stress to hold off. I just have to try and fit in some time to really relax and take care of myself before flying home to the States. I need an afternoon at the spa I think, if only I can fit it in with all the stupid apartment visits. Maybe I can also get in a Bikram Yoga class before I go. That always makes me feel so drained that I don't have any energy left for worrying. Its like my mom's doctor was saying to her (regarding her high blood pressure) - if you don't have the time to take care of yourself, that in itself is a stressful lifestyle.