Ella looked so sweet today- she was wearing her big girl school clothes with her brown buckle shoes. Its so cute but its so sad to see her dressed like that. She really isn't a baby anymore. And I know that I really didn't enjoy her very much as an infant. This is so much better, so much more fun, when she can be this funny little person with a huge personality letting me discover something new about her everyday. But still. I sometimes sit with her and notice her chubby little baby feet, or maybe her big round baby cheeks, and I get this tightness in my stomach because I know, next time I look, they might not be there. I feel like I have to enjoy this as hard as I can because for the next 30 years or so- I suppose until Ella has babies that I can moon over- its over.
Like I said, infants are such hard work for so little return, but biology has done something to our brains and its fruitless to try and resist them.
I love this photo because it makes her look so little, reminds me that I can relax a bit because I have more than 5 minutes to enjoy her. We got kicked out of the little park next to our house when it closed at 5 so, since Ella wasn't ready to go in yet, we walked over to the Place des Vosges to play for a bit longer. It was already quite empty by the time we got there. It's one of my favorite things, to just hang back and watch Ella to see what she decides to do, with no one to give her instructions or suggestions. For once, I had my camera in my bag so I could snap a picture. While I played with the settings, she set off across the park- headed for the water fountain I would guess. Not a backward glance to see if I was following her, not a moments hesitation or nervousness to be on her own. It really does seem like she went from being a squalling baby to an invincible little girl in a night. Amazing.