Saturday, January 19, 2008

Am I over-reacting?

It makes me absolutely FURIOUS when B goes through my goes through my stuff to see who I've been talking to, writing to, emailing, etc. I got an anonymous call on my mobile the other night and because I was busy getting Ella to bed, I didn't pick up the call, figuring the person would leave a message and I could call them back later. Well, he couldn't stand that. Who was it? Who would be calling from an anonymous number? Why didn't I check the message? Why not right this second? Finally, I called my answering machine and it was a friend in NYC calling from work, since she didn't have my home number with her. End of story, right?

Except it irritates me beyond belief. I couldn't help shouting at him to leave it alone. My phone, my friend, my business! Things had sort of been building up to a giant irritation over the past few days. He heard my phone beep in the morning with a texto, so he picked up my phone and went through all the messages, curious who had sent me a message so early and curious about who I had gotten messages from. He doesn't see any problem doing this. Or anything wrong with reading all my emails when he sits down to use the computerl; he says it shouldn't matter since it is just sitting open on the scree. He'll go through the phone bill to see which number I've been calling the most. I can't have a diary, because if he sees it, he'll take it out when I am not home and read it. He'll even go through the history on Internet Explorer to see which websites I've looked at during the day. Yesterday, when I went to peek at one my favorite 'boutiques' on Ebay, he made me click on my account to see if I've been bidding on anything. How insulting- as if I am five years old and need to be monitored.

I don't feel like I should have to lock up my stuff in my own home in order to have a bit of privacy. It doesn't matter if there is any secret to hide or not, its just that I think that he doesn't have any right to go through my things. Its mine. I hate feeling like I have no personal space. Honestly, when I saw him going through my text messages I was ready to pack my bags and walk out of the house, I was so angry.

His excuse is that he is just curious, since he was a little boy he has been a 'Touche-a-tout' (touch everything). He can't make himself stop. I think, growing up in a big family often living in very tight quarters, I am slightly more sensitive than most about my personal space. I would never read someone's private diary, email, mail, look in their telephone, listen in on a conversation- nothing. I think that curiosity killed the cat and no good can come of poking around in other people's business. Am I the only one?


afoos said...

Hi Nicole. No, you are not the only one. I cannot stand it when Etienne reads my e-mail- especially because I know it's just to make fun of what I do on my computer like blogging, facebook etc.. He can't stand any of those things, so I keep asking him if it bothers him so much, then why does he read my e-mail? It also makes me furious when he goes into my internet browser and sees what sights I've recently been on because most of them usually have to do with shopping, blogging or parenting and he would much rather me be doing research on more intellectual matters. Anyway, luckily, he does it a couple times a year, not more, but when he does, it annoys me like hell.

Nicole said...

Do you think its all Frenchmen or just our two?!!

afoos said...

I actually think it does have something to do with the culture. In France, it seems like couples are supposed to do way more together as a team than in the US. I remember growing up and still now, my parents each have their completely separate lives- dad likes golfing, mom likes visiting museums and reading and they will go on vacations and spend time together but also time doing their own things. It seems like I've had to fight for this at times because if E had his way, we'd be hanging out 24/7, which I can't complain about, but it's good to have some privacy too.