Here is a simple lavender cupcake. I am soooo disappointed. I really like the idea of these and was dying to make them. But after a ton of work, mountains of dishes and trips to the shop for special ingredients, I think that they taste kind of meh. So one might ask, why has it taken me 24 hours and repeated attempts at each of the constituent parts to get here (to Meh, capital of OK-sylvania)? Ok, in all fairness the cake is just the regular chiffon cake that I have been doing and it turned out fine the first time. However, I had to make the lavender cream for the filling three times and the frosting was done twice before I finally settled on the lavender meringue butter cream (which is also very meh but atleast it doesn't call for powdered sugar which I am now out of.) I think I am going to try and off load them on the moms in the park, if Ella wakes up from her nap on time. Next recipe- chocolate with chocolate. Plain and simple.

But then I think of the possibilities suggested by this website.

I went back to see my plastic surgeon today and he said every thing looked excellent. I am a bit sore still but overall feeling great. I am a little disappointed because the end result is not exactly what I asked for, although I do understand that people are not made of playdoh and there are limits to what any doctor can do. I have to say,although he did a great job and I think his skills as a surgeon are fine, I am a bit disappointed in his sort of offhand manner about any of my questions (both on leaving the hospital and today) on what to watch out for. I realized after I was feeling sick the other day, that I had no way of contacting my doctor in an emergency, and he didn't tell me what would constitute an emergency . I just had his office number, which I assume he does not answer on weekends or the middle of the night. I wanted to know something like "X, Y, and Z are not normal. If that happens call me or come and see me. A, B, and C are weird things that happen and they are normal and there is no need to worry about that." Thank god for Google and all my online doctors. And I don't want to sound like one of the crazy people that go on Extreme Makeover or The Swan- people who look fine but have a bad haircut and a super screwed up self-image. I guess, ideally, I wouldn't spend time critiquing my physical appearance at all and so this whole experience puts me in a bad mood.

I suppose I am all for plastic surgery if it can get you to a point, mentally, where you just accept the body you are have and realize that it has zero to do with the person you are. B and I were talking the other night and I mentioned how Ella is very concerned about my boo-boo and I am hoping that this isn't one of those childhood memories that sticks with her for the rest of her life. And even though I don't think there is anything to hide from her, once she is aware that I modified my body because I felt that it wasn't "right", how will I handle the situation when (if) she is a teenager and asks for the same surgery? or surgery for a different part of her body that she is dislikes? We both felt that we would never feel comfortable paying for a surgery for her (ie the period that we are financially responsible for her, lets say til she is 21) because I think that you have to reach a certain age and have constructed your identity fully to be able to make a good decision about something like this. Everyone is self-conscious about their body when they are teenagers, that goes with the territory. Dealing with those feelings is a really critical part of growing up and I think that by agreeing to a surgery, a parent would be doing more harm than good. I mean, isn't a parents first job to say "I think you are perfect exactly the way you are. I love you just like that."? Its funny that I am spending much more time thinking about this now that it is all over than I did before- I suspect its supposed to be the other way around...


And seriously, look at that puss? What on earth could any doctor do to improve that?