Wednesday, March 07, 2007

Paradise report 3

Galina is gone- although I think that we resolved the mystery. I saw her cuddling with the (super hot) russian diving instructor so I think that Galina is his girl back home who came out to visit with his mother and sister and the reason that they all looked so awkward is that this was the first time that they met. Slightly more boring but much more realistic. I think our second week will be dull now that Galina is gone. The Albino Chinese left a few days ago. And even the nymphette mommy who does not own any bras was not at breakfast today (Didn't I mention her? She looks like one of those girls who only verged on good-looking but what she lacked in looks she made up for in moxie and considered herself incredibly sexy, resulting in a trashy 5-dollar-handjobs-in-the-park kind of look. Bras were not part of the equation because, it must said, she had pretty nice perky breasts. Then she got knocked up. Six months after the baby she could squeeze her ass back in her denim mini skirt so it was all systems go, much to the dismay of CateringLand's outer boroughs, who were subjected to her pendulous swinging mammaries every time she jumped up for another plate of pasta salad. Yikes.)

Our new source of amusement is the French guy and his daughter in the bungalow just down the beach from us. He is extremely enthusiastic and has got a running monologue of silly jokes to keep the 9 year-old in stitches. B shared a parasol on the beach with them this morning and came back to the room ready to stick one of my knitting needles in his ear, just to stop the constant assault of innanities. I got to see the matinee performance at the pool this afternoon and was reaching for the needles myself. I told B that I didn't think it was her Dad at all. In fact, I think that he met her on MySpace and has only just broke it to her that he isn't a 14 year old from Ivry so he's trying to keep there from being any awkward pause where she asks what his real age is then.

Speaking of 14 year-olds, we also like listening in on the very young English couple who took the Albino's table. Today they had a big fight because she was afraid of the fish and he thinks she is a big baby. Then they finished their Cokes and he asked her if she wanted to go play ping pong. We keep telling each other that they can't be that young, even though they look like fetuses, because clearly they are on an expensive romantic holiday together (and we checked their room card- they have different names so they aren't married. We are such nosey assholes its unbelieveable) but then they turn around and do something like that and we are once again convinced that they are on their 9th grade class trip.

Big question- what is it with Chinese people and watermelon? As soon as they put watermelon on the dessert buffet I swear to you that the Chinese people rush over and literally stack their plates with watermelon til they can stack no more. And then they gobble it down with glee. Watermelon. I saw a little kid begging his mother to let him start his dinner with watermelon and when she said yes he started jumping up and down and clapping. I don't get it. Do they not have watermelon in China? Is it said to possess some sort of magical quality that makes people giddy when presented with the possibility of an all you can eat Watermelon Buffet? Maybe in China they have a saying of something like "Watermelon Balls" when someone is really brave or gutsy. I should keep this to myself, I know, but anyone looking to make their first million, I'm telling you, there is gold in Chinese watermelon sales.

So vacay is going well although I am getting a bit pooped out with all the diving. Its a lot of get dressed, get more dressed, get wet, get dry, get wet, get dry, get undressed, get wet, get dry, get more undressed, get wet, get dry, etc Blah. Maybe tomorrow I'll go again. In the mean time I have been busy instigating international incidents around the pool. Apparently there are people who think it is OK to just dump a towel on a chair on their way to breakfast and regardless of whether or not they spend any time at the pool, want to keep the chair free for when they do happen to pass by. For 3 days, B and I tried to get a seat around the pool for an afternoon swim, since our bungalow was on the east side of the island, therefore on the shady beach in the afternoon, but no luck at all. Despite there being atleast half the chairs empty the pool boy wouldn't let us sit down, telling us that the chairs were saved and thereby sending me into a rage. Today, we came by after lunch to find that there were several chairs which really seemed abandoned except for a towel scrunched up on them. Since there was no pool boy in site, we grabbed them. B went back to the room to change and I spread out, pretending to be asleep until our drinks arrived and we couldn't be kicked out. Suddenly an irrate Roumanian lady showed up. She collared the pool boy and started chewing him out about how there was someone in her chair, she had left her towels there at noon (it was already like 3:30) and said she would be back, he better get rid of me. Thankfully, he told her that that happened sometimes when he was at lunch and not there to survey things and she would just have to find another chair. She did manage to get a seat on the opposite side eventually and glared at me all afternoon. I wouldn't get into the pool when she was in because when I finally opened my eyes I saw that she was really big and mean looking. See, I had kind of been hoping to steal a seat from one of the nice looking japanese. In my defense however, I need to point out that there are over 300 people on the island and only about 40 chairs. Desperate times call for desperate measures right?

also to prove how good I really am, my Ipod won't charge up and I went to the electronics shop to see if they could charge it up there but no luck. I was very sad and wandered into the internet cafe to check my mail, when what should I find plugged into my computer but a brand new Ipod! With lots of nice music! And it held photos, unlike mine! I didn't even steal it. Although after listening to the Myspace pedophile all this afternoon, I totally wished I had.


Sally Lomax said...

Enjoy your holiday!!

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