Saturday, May 03, 2008

Elton John was right- 'sorry' IS the hardest word

So, its been a bit tense around the house here the last day or so. B and I got in a big fight; it started out as a teeny tiny fight but he's gotten me more irritated as time passes so I am curious as to how this is going to end. I suppose its got to get sorted out tonight since we are going out alone together and while it is easy enough to not talk while in the house, it might be more difficult to do while sitting alone at a restaurant for an hour. I don't care how hard it is, I am not saying I am sorry and thats what he is waiting for. He can go µ%?/ù himself because its not happening. He saw something on TV the other night and made a bad joke that made me a bit mad. As much as B likes going to Wisconsin, he's always making comments, as if everyone there is so backward and ignorant that its a wonder that they can get their shoes on the right feet. So I said that I really didn't think it was funny when he said everyone there was so stupid because 'those people' are also my family and friends and, actually, me. So he could he stop it please? He said it was even more stupid for me to get mad about something like that since it was just a joke.

Now, just as a side note, I think this is the lamest excuse possible. I've heard all kinds of people use this excuse to say all kinds of insulting things. But it was a joke! Uhm, its not a joke if no one laughs. I'll give some lee way concerning intention. If someone insults me knowingly its clearly not the same thing as accidentally making a comment that I don't appreciate. But 'It was a joke!' is not like some kind of 'Get out of jail free' card.

So anyways, he insults me, I tell him I don't appreciate those kind of jokes, and then HE stomps off to the bedroom and pouts because he says that I was being unreasonable and hyper-sensitive. He won't talk to me until I apologize. I have to admit, this left me a bit speechless. He gets to insult me and also gets the apology? Up til this point, I was irritated by his stupid joke, but not mad. When he insinuated that he was the victim is when I saw red.

I don't think its necessarily a French thing (although I blame all his faults on his Frenchness), but I don't think that this is a culture that accepts responsibility very well. If B were a case study, I would say that Frenchmen tend to ignore problems as long as possible, get excessively angry and rage aimlessly and loudly about the problem once they do have to acknowledge it, and then give long convuluted excuses as to why nothing can be done to solve the problem. However, stepping up and just saying, "My fault; sorry about that. Is there anything I can do to fix it?" is pretty much the last thing that would come out of his mouth.

Generally when we argue, I have to force him to talk about it. And when he grudgingly admits to some part of the blame, he looks down and fidgets, which is my sign to get exasperated and tell him, "Then the nice thing to do would be to say your sorry" (Since I already started the conversation by apologizing for what I did.) And then its over. Why is it such a big deal to say "I'm sorry if I hurt your feelings."? I know its stupid to drag out a fight over who is going to say sorry first. Maybe I'm still mad enough that I don't mind not speaking to him for a few days. i guess we could always just see a film tonight, then we wouldn't have to talk at all.

PS Am I beyond hope if I admit to actually LOVING the song "Sorry Seems to be the Hardest Word", as sung by the boys band Blue? I know it is chees-a-rific but I can't help myself. Oooo- I just put it on and Ella is totally grooving to it. Like mother, like daughter, I guess.

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